When you’re scared, write on spec.

Do you want to write but worry that no one would read your work? Ever wonder if you’re a writer after all? Ever been so paralysed by how terrible the output might be that you never start?

Write on spec.

Before I explain, allow me to tell you a story. Sometime between 2016-17, I was in a terrible sort of headspace. I was scared out of my wits to write, even share an opinion. I was scared that I’d be attacked online for being a stupid person. I was petrified that I’ll be questioned about my opinion and I won’t be able to defend myself. So, I kept quiet. I was in hiding.

Thankfully, this was a problem I was seeing a shrink for. She told me, “See ma, first you write. We’ll see.”

So, I wrote a nearly 1700-word long piece about how Jyothika’s Magalir Mattum was a fabulous film. I included everything I loved. I responded to every piece of criticism anyone ever laid on it. I protected it like it was my own. I wrote and wrote and wrote.

I did all this while I had work and life that kept me going. The stakes were low. If my speculation didn’t work, it was only a few hours lost. Acknowledging that I’m doing this speculatively meant that I wasn’t working myself up about the response. At least not yet.

Once done, I went back to see my shrink. She said, “great, now, send it to your favourite editor and see if they’d like to publish it.” Well, by the time I gathered the guts to pitch a story, Magalir Mattum was passe, but I slowly got over the fear. So much so that, these days, I file my opinion about films in just a couple of hours after watching it. 

🤷‍♀️ Who’da thunk, right? 

(Side note: Apparently, everyone around me knew. I was the only one who thought I’d lost my ability to write. :P)

Anyway, back to the story. In essence, on-spec is what my doctor asked me to do. On-spec (on a speculative basis) is just a fancy Hollywood term for writing without a buyer. Work that isn’t commissioned. Don’t think of the ‘speculation’ part as scary, think of it as adventurous, and keep writing. Courage will come.

See ma, first you write. We’ll see.

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P.S: Writing on spec isn’t a great practice for every story you want to pitch, by the way. Editors reject ideas all the time. If you keep writing everything entirely before you pitch, you’ll be wasting A LOT of time.

My advice here is to write on spec when you’re too scared, paralysed or in doubt. Once you’re over the obstacle, pitch first.